I’ll Take One Big Flat Noodle to Go Please

Ordering a pizza can be about as easy as pulling your own teeth out, especially with my family. Agreeing on where to ordering from is usually tough enough, but once you do you have to figure out what to put on your pie. Half of the time nobody cares so you have to decide yourself and make everybody happy. The other half of the time everybody has to offer their ten cents so you have to hash it out until you finally agree. Naturally nobody ever seems to want exactly the same thing as you. Come on, nobody else likes pineapple on their pizza? Anyway, the beauty of ordering Chinese food is that everybody gets to pick whatever they want and you all end up sharing it in the end. But, sometimes it still isn’t easy, especially if you order with Cosmo Kramer.

While we're on the subject of ordering out, why are my only options pizza and Chinese? Why hasn't anybody started delivering Philly cheese steaks?

3 Calzones and One Hot Shirt

Why is it that a “show about nothing” can be connected to everything? Between today’s crummy weather and my ongoing feature on Italian import shops, the time is right to take a look at the lighter side of food.

Quick, somebody find me the number for DeFazio’s! They said I can stick anything I want in my calzone, so I’m sure they’d be open to warming up a shirt or two. I know their calzones are big so I’ll even fold everything up before I hand it over. And I promise I’ll leave a big tip (no I won’t try to reach back in the jar for it). All I want to know is: can I pay in pennies? Last time I tried that maneuver was when I ran out of bread way back during my college days. All I had to pay with was pennies but the guy wouldn’t take it. Come on man, cut me some slack, it’s still American currency!

Can’t-Stand-Ya, Can’t-Stand-Ya

“Can’t-Stand-Ya” was the memorable nickname given to George Costanza by his high school gym teacher. Even though his gym teacher hated him, Seinfeld fans just can’t seem to get enough of that short, quirky bald man. Sit back, relax and enjoy the video.

Saying George is a screw up is like reporting that water was still wet this morning - it’s not exactly a secret. All George wanted to do here was get his daily eggplant calzone fix, but after one bad decision, he got caught with his hand in the tip jar and finds himself banned for life. Once he tried to show off how much he left as a tip, George committed an Average Joe no-no. He took food too seriously, just like so many of the people who review it.

Far too many food critics forget what’s really important. While they babble on about place settings, all you can do is scratch your head and wonder about the food. Well, don’t you worry, here at Average Joe, I promise to never lose sight of what matters. Dinner is a time to unwind and enjoy yourself. Leave it to me to ask the questions you want answered and to cut out the fluff. Keep checking back, more reviews are on their way.